I have no idea why, but I am having the greatest day today!!!  Nothing special has happened except maybe that the sun is finally shining out here!!  I can see little kids roller blading from outside my bedroom window!!  The snow has almost all melted.  And I have the whole day to do nothing!!  Me and Wes are just gonna hang out at home and relax!!! 

Wes and I have been getting along so good lately!  He is the best man I have ever met, and I feel so lucky to be his wife! 

I have a new therapist, Karen, and she is really great.  She is very supportive and helpful.... with my bi-polar disorder, and she is the first therapist I have ever had who actually seems to like me.  My last one decided to start working with kids, I hope I didn't scare him away! He wasn't that good anyway!  I"m part of a bi-polar support group now on msn groups and everyone there is really great.  I've made a lot of friends. I spend more time talking to them than my few friends here in Nebraska!  Not that they're not great too!  Wish they were online though!!

Gonna go type some email, have a great day to anyone who might read this!!! 

I am so tired today!  So glad its the weekend!!  Think I might sleep this whole weekend away!  All i have to do is go to the grocery store today and then its to bed for me.... 

My hours at work are increasing so that I can save money for the plates and registration for the new car... the next two weeks are gonna be hard on me, I am not used to working this much!!!

Wes and I have been gettin along so much better since I had that realization!!  We talked and we are pretty much on the same page again.  About our relationship! There is hope after all!!

Gonna go now, not much to say as usual... I feel sorry for people who come here, its so boring, but I like my website... its a place to do something when I'm bored!! 

Wes and I have had kind of a rocky relationship since we got married 5 months ago.. fighting a lot and stuff.  I thought that he just realized too late that he wasn't ready to be married.  But then I realized that the problem has been with me all along, and not with my husband.  The week after we got married I miscarried.  I have been angry and depressed since then.  I guess I feel awful about losing our baby and haven't been letting Wes in... I feel like I let him down.  I guess I have been kinda punishing myself by not letting myself feel the love he has been trying so hard to show me.  We have decided to put having the baby on the back burner for a few months at least.... so that I can grieve and we can recover together.  I'm so glad to realize this cuz now I know I don't have to lose my husband too. 

I had this nightmare that Wes came up to me and said, "I have great news!  We are having the cesarian in 20 minutes!"  I asked Wes, "I', Pregnant??!" and he replied, "No, my other girlfriend is having my baby, I need the car keys!"  I think its obvious that I feel bad about not giving him the baby he wants and that I'm afaid of losing him.  It all makes sense now. 

I went to work today again after a four day weekend... I really missed being there.  (OMG I am so boring! )  Anyway, I'm gonna go catch up on my email. 

Wow did I have a bad day today.  This was day two of trying to cope with a headache that wouldn't go away... GRRRR....  then me and Wes got into a huge fight.  It was my fault of course.  I was grumpy from the everlasting headache.  And I kinda was picking at him..... but we're all made up now and the headache is gone away. I just woke up in the middle of the night.  It's 3:47 am here....  all of the snow they were predicting, up to 21 inches, never happened. It looks like we got about 5 or 6 inches.  So I'm back to work tomorrow. 

I love waking up in the middle of the night, its kinda peaceful and so quiet.  Wes is asleep, the computer is in the bedroom, I hope I don't wake him up.  He's so sexy when he's asleep.  We have been fighting a lot.  With the last two miscarriages, everything seems more stressful everyday.  He doesn't like to talk much about it, but I think he's worried we will never have a baby.  He wants to be  a Dad so much!  I love him for it.  He will be such a cute Daddy. 

I'm gonna go check out some websites here at Bravenet.  Have a Good Day!!

Its 11:30 in the morning here in wintery Nebraska.... it snowed last night.  All of the schools are shut down and I don't have to work today either....  So now what?? Actually, it looks kinda pretty outside, so I shouldn't complain.   I just made this website today... I wonder if anyone will ever read it!  Its kinda a boring one, but I really have no idea how to make websites. 

I had a really bad day yesterday... a friend of mine for about six months, online friend,  who just recently gave me some money so that I could get this computer as mine broke down... suddenly decided that he wanted cyber sex with me.  What the hell.... he knows I'm married and not into cyber sex....  so I guess his little gift comes with strings attached.   Strings he aint getting, but attached nonetheless.  So I feel like I lost a friend.  I don't trust him anymore... and I'm not sure if I even want to talk to him anymore. 

Wes and I have been married for 5 months tomorrow....  Being snowed in on our anniversary might be kinda fun!   

Today is Wes and my five month wedding anniversary... the day was kinda boring.  We had dinner at home and played cards.  I did a lot of crying today.  Wes and I were going through the closet and he opened a box to see what was in it... It was our babies' memory box of stuff we bought for the baby before the miscarriages...  I was crying all damn day.  Then I tried to join  a support group this afternoon for Miscarriages...  I got a response back that unless I had a death certificate, or had a funeral for the baby that I wasn't far enough along in my pregnancy to join the group.  The group was listed as a miscarriage support group... what the hell?  Just becasue I was only 3 months along and couldn't afford a funeral. was too in shock to think about it also... doesn't mean that I am not grieving as much as other Mothers who miscarried later in their pregnancies.  So I wrote back and told her that I didn't want to be a part of a support group that doesn't care about women who have miscarried in early pregnancy anyway.  She was such a bitch.  I think I hate her. 

So I was sad and crying all day.  Wes was great though, he helped me through everything and made me realize that he loves me no matter what. 

Wow, what an anniversary!    I ruin everything....!!